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LITTLE RED RADISH HOOD
A Tale of Conscience vs. Carnivore


by Marilyn Bagel

Created for the Wings! Company ensemble of actors with disabilities at Imagination Stage, Inc.

CAST
STORYTELLER
LITTLE RED RADISH HOOD (bold, empowered)
CATCHUP (Little Red’s timid brother)
MOTHER HOOD/GRANNY
MR. WOLF
WOLF JR.


STORYTELLER:
Once upon a time . . . now isn’t that how ALL stories usually begin . . . Mother Hood was readying her daughter Little Red Radish Hood and her son Catchup for their first walk through the woods by themselves to Granny’s house.


AT LITTLE RED’S HOME


MOTHER: [as she helps them on with their clothing]
Little Red, let’s bundle you up in this cozy red cloak that Granny sewed for you . . . and Catchup, YOU wear this warm red sweater that Granny knitted for you.

CATCHUP:
Oh goodie, that’s my favorite!

LITTLE RED:
[preening]
Don’t we look great!

MOTHER:
You sure do! And Granny will be so happy to see you both. Just remember the buddy system -- stay together and stay on the path.

CATCHUP:
Tell me what the buddy system is again?

MOTHER:
It means you two stay together wherever you go.

LITTLE RED:
We’re a team!

CATCHUP:
[confidently] That’s right
[then remembers he’s really timid] Are you sure we’re gonna be okay?

LITTLE RED:
Absolutely. I know how to get to Granny’s. Follow me.
[She picks up her basket]

CATCHUP:
You can bet on it.

STORYTELLER:
And so they entered the woods, with Little Red boldly leading the way and Catchup, well, he was trying to catch up.


IN THE WOODS


[Catchup is walking tentatively; Little Red is forthright and bold.]

CATCHUP:
[Stammering] I-I-I don’t know if this is such a good idea.

LITTLE RED:
Why? Mom said we can go to Grandma’s ourselves if we go together and stay on the path. Besides, there are vegetables growing in the woods. And we LUUUUUUV vegetables.

CATCHUP:
Are you sure we won’t run into any lions or tigers or bears, oh my?

LITTLE RED:
Nah [pause] that’s ANOTHER story.

CATCHUP:
Oh, okay.

[They’re skipping along]

LITTLE RED:
Look! See I told you there were vegetables growing here.

CATCHUP:
They really look delicious!

LITTLE RED:
Let’s pick some for Granny. You know how much she likes carrots.
[They both bend down to pick some veggies]

CATCHUP:
And here are some fresh herbs.

[As they’re picking, we see Mr. Wolf and Wolf Jr. quietly sneaking up on them]

MR. WOLF:
ROARRRRRR!!!!!!

WOLF JR.:
roarrr!

LITTLE RED:
[Little Red screams really loudly, startling the wolf and yells]
No! Stop!

[Brother scrambles to hide behind her]

STORYTELLER:
You probably didn’t expect this kind of reaction from OUR Little Red. But this is not one of those poor defenseless maidens. This one is quite wood-wise. She has guts!

LITTLE RED:
Hey, you frightened us! Who do you think you are and what do you think you two are doing out here dressed in those crazy wolf costumes? Halloween’s not till October.

MR. WOLF:
This is no costume. I AM a wolf! I’m a big BAD wolf . . . and this is my son Wolf Junior.

WOLF JR.:
You heard him. I’m the little Big Bad Wolf.

LITTLE RED:
Yeah right. And I’m Dora the Explorer.

MR. WOLF:
But I AM a wolf. See? [Pulls at skin to prove it’s his]

WOLF JR.:
Me too!

MR. WOLF:
Yup, he’s my boy.

CATCHUP:
Hey, I think they really ARE wolves.

LITTLE RED:
Well, Mr. Wolf, you both shouldn’t be sneaking up on people like that.

CATCHUP:
[With newfound courage] No you shouldn’t!

MR. WOLF:
[aside to audience]
Ha ha ha. The better to eat you, my dears.

WOLF JR.:
Yum, Yummmm.

CATCHUP:
What did you say?

MR. WOLF:
Oh, nuthin. [pause/clears his throat]

WOLF JR.:
So what’s in the basket?

LITTLE RED:
Just some goodies we’re bringing to Granny’s house.

MR. WOLF:
Like what?

LITTLE RED: [looking through her basket]
There’s home-made zucchini bread . . . a bottle of V8 Splash . . .

CATCHUP:
AND some fresh veggies.

MR. WOLF:
Have any meat in there – maybe a hotdog . . .

WOLF JR.:
Or a couple of burgers?
[Wolf and Wolf Jr. smack their lips in anticipation]

LITTLE RED:
Meat? No way. We’re vegetarians. Here [holds out a carrot]
Have a carrot.

WOLF JR.:
You’ve got to be kidding.

MR. WOLF:
Haven’t you heard? Real wolves eat MEAT!

WOLF SONG HERE (SUNG BY WOLF AND WOLF JR.):

(lyric notes:)

REAL WOLVES EAT MEAT
I SAID MEAT, NOT WHEAT.

I’M A CARNIVORE. I WANT MORE!
NOT MORE SOY. OY!

STORYTELLER:
Once Mr. Wolf got over his profound disappointment at finding no burgers in the basket, he regained his composure.

MR. WOLF:
So . . . so you’re off to your Granny’s, huh.

CATCHUP:
We sure are.

MR. WOLF:
And where does your Granny live?

LITTLE RED:
[Gestures with her hand as she gives directions. Mr. Wolf and Wolf Jr. follow her hand motions with their heads.]

Oh she’s just up the hill and down the hill and around the bend until you see another bend . . .

WOLF JR.: [interrupting]
Hey, you’re making me dizzy!

LITTLE RED:
. . . and then you go just a bit further till you see the little cottage under the three big banyan trees.

MR. WOLF:
[aside to audience]
No problem. I’ll MapQuest it.

MR. WOLF:
[to Little Red]
Does Granny have any meat?

CATCH-UP:
No, silly. She’s a vegetarian too.

MR. WOLF: [to Little Red]
Well [clears throat] I’ve enjoyed our little chat. We must be on our way.

MR. WOLF:
[aside to audience]
Granny may be a vegetarian but in my book Granny is meat -- prime AGED meat. And we’re gonna grab ourselves some Grannyburgers.

STORYTELLER:
Unlike the story you’re used to hearing, Little Red and Catchup arrived at Granny’s cottage BEFORE Mr. Wolf and Wolf Jr. got there. They greeted Granny with lots of hugs.

GRANNY:
Oh it’s so good to see you, children. And to think you came here all by yourselves.

LITTLE RED:
That’s right Granny!

CATCHUP:
We sure did!

GRANNY:
Did you have any trouble finding my cottage?

LITTLE RED:
No, we’ve taken the same path so many times with Mom that it was a piece of cake.

GRANNY:
Speaking of cake, are those some goodies that you brought for me in your basket?

LITTLE RED:
Yes, Granny, we’ve brought lots of good food to eat. In fact, we’re going to cook you a delicious dinner.

GRANNY:
Oh my, what a treat. My own grandchildren cooking just for me!

STORYTELLER:
And so Little Red and Catchup began to unpack the basket of goodies. They set the ingredients out on Granny’s counter. There were carrots and onions, almonds and walnuts, tomatoes and artichokes.

CATCHUP:
Now, Granny, go sit down in your easy chair.

STORYTELLER:
Which is just what Granny did, as Little Red and Catchup began cooking. Soon the kitchen was filled with wonderful aromas.

GRANNY:
Oh that sure smells mighty good.

LITTLE RED:
We made your favorites Granny. Veggie nut loaf baking in the oven and grilled artichokes with balsamic vinaigrette browning right here in the skillet.

GRANNY:
Mmmmm. I can’t wait till they’re done.

STORYTELLER:
Just then they heard a knock at the front door and a high-pitched voice.

MR. WOLF:
[in high pitched voice] Good afternoon. We’re selling Girl Scout cookies. Can you please let us in so we can show you what we have?

CATCH-UP: [starts running as if to open the door]
Oooooo, I just LOVE those chocolate minty ones.

LITTLE RED:
Wait Catchup. Mom always tells us to look through the peep-hole first to see who’s there.

STORYTELLER:
They peered through the peephole and there on the other side of the door stood Mr. Wolf and Wolf Jr. wearing green and gold scarves on their heads.

LITTLE RED:
Girl Scouts, huh. Hey, Mr. Wolf, you’re gonna have to do better than that!

MR. WOLF:
We’ve come to eat you AND your Granny!

LITTLE RED:
Are you still on THAT kick?

MR. WOLF:
You bet. You better let us in or we’re gonna huff and we’re gonna puff and we’re gonna blow your house down.

WOLF JR.:
Yeah, you heard him. We’re gonna huff and puff . . .

GRANNY: [interrupting Wolf Jr.]
Hey wise guys, all that that huffing and puffing might have worked on the other side of the forest with the three little pigs, but you’re in the wrong neighborhood . . . so get lost.

WOLF JR.: [whining]
But we’re REALLY hungry . . .

MR. WOLF:
Yeah and those are some goooood smells coming from your cottage. Whatever you’re cooking sure does smell good.

MR. WOLF AND WOLF JR:
Is it MEEEEEEEAAAT LOAF?

STORYTELLER:
Granny explained to the wolf -- through the door, mind you -- that though it SMELLED like meatloaf and TASTED like meatloaf, it was a delicacy using vegetables and nuts. With that, the Wolf began drooling and begging to be let in.

MR. WOLF:
Oh, please, please, please, Granny, PLEASE let us in.
If you promise to give us a serving of your veggie nut loaf, we promise we will not eat you OR your grandchildren.

STORYTELLER:
With that, Granny opened the door, but not before she grabbed herself a big broom handle just in case they had to defend themselves.

GRANNY:
You may come in.

LITTLE RED:
But take off those scarves. You two look ridiculous.

CATCHUP:
Yeah, you sure do!

STORYTELLER:
And so they took off their scarves and sat down at the table to a lovely feast of veggie nut loaf served with tomato sauce and grilled artichokes with balsamic vinaigrette.

WOLF JR.:
Dad, this is DELICIOUS!!!!

MR WOLF:
Yes it is son, yes it is.

GRANNY:
I told you so.

STORYTELLER:
Soon, Granny, Little Red Radish Hood and Catchup were teaching Mr. Wolf and Wolf Jr. everything they knew about the art of vegetarian cooking

. . . And, yes, they all did live happily every after . . . with their own cooking show on the Food Network, called “If You Give a Wolf a Carrot and other Vegetarian Delights.”

MR. WOLF:
Now before you go, we’d like to give you the real recipes for the vegetarian dishes you’ve seen on today’s show. We’ll hand them out as you leave. Bon appetit!

© 2007 Imagination Stage, Inc.


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